Rorschach's Journal, June 27th, 2009

Rorschach’s Journal, Saturday June 27th, 2009

Spent the day as typical Walter hobo. Had been a pretty day. Warm, no humidity, birds singing, fluffy clouds. Generous people on the streets of DC with their donations. Managed to scrape up enough money for a sack of dry cat food and some snacks for myself. Unhealthy stuff, but I had some weight to gain, so it didn’t really matter.

Yes, the day was beautiful. The sun looked down on the politicians crumbling with their own corruptions, sitting in their white stone law factory on Capitol Hill. Another one--admitted he had an affair. Second politician in a week. The GOP was no longer my father’s party, nor mine for that matter. All replaced by selfishness and opportunism. The Democrats weren’t much better. I was starting to believe Anarchy was starting to make sense.

I munched on Oreos as I puttered around the apartment. James watched me from his cat pillow as I unfolded the pair of Jeans I was to wear tonight. He meowed, suddenly.

“I can’t take you with me, you know that.” I said to him as I leaned down and patted his head. He purred and rolled over on his back in a comical maneuver. I laughed at him and rubbed his stomach for a bit and then got back to the clothes.

Earlier in the day I had stopped by the local YMCA and managed to actually take a shower. I didn’t have much time for such things, but it was handy on occasion. I’d always been so busy fighting crime. I was the most focused back in the 80s, just after….just after finding out that little Blair Roche had been butchered. Something took hold of me then. That something still had a hold of me, though not so much as to make me completely give up on life as I once had. Nothing else existed for me then. When at first I completely became Rorschach, when what I was as Walter was no more. It had been pushed out by rage, by injustice. How I wish I had these friends I have now back then. But then, I wouldn’t have allowed them in my life back then anyway. It was impossible. I alienated myself to everything that wasn’t about searching out crime and putting an end to it.

Perhaps now I’m in balance, somewhat. Able to embrace that I am both Walter and Rorschach and not one or the other, that they are both who I am, as a person. I had regained my Walter identity, my humanity back then, when Manhattan dissolved my body. I still felt I could never have a normal life, my life would still be consumed with finding the truth, finding and punishing crimes. “Maybe I haven’t changed so much, huh James?”

“Meow”

“Still a paranoid psychotic.” I shrugged, remembering back to how people would describe me back in those days. What did their opinions matter, the streets were safer with me on them doing their dirty work. Work that they were too pure to do. And now I, the only sane one, am a hero. Still that fearful Rorschach, spiriting through the streets at night, but having revealed the truth, the truth about that blond monster.

“Too complicated.” I said and thought for a moment, “I need to call Daniel.” And at that I removed the labels off the clothing I’d bought. I slipped on the slacks, boots and blue plaid shirt. Tucked in or out? I didn’t remember. Anita seemed pleased with how it looked untucked. I felt like an idiot with it untucked, in my day that was so slovenly. But, these were different times. I ran my fingers through my hair. The curls had tightened up after being washed. Finger combing, my only comb, would soften the look. I probably should have shaved, but oh well. Five o’clock shadow was going to have to do. Besides, red hair never really looked heavy on my face.

“You be good.” I said to the cat as I poured him some dry food. James behaved, at times, like he was the most starved cat on the planet. I fed him well, not sure why he was so utterly eager to eat as quickly as possible and ask for more.

The sun was starting to set as I stepped out of my apartment building and into the streets. By all rights, I should have been suiting up in my trench coat and black and white face for my usual evening of finger breaking and mayhem, but a promise was a promise. Fortunately, Shari’s home was right off the metro, so it would be easy and quick to get there. I had ridden metro many times, both in my Walter costume and as Rorschach. No one really paid me any attention either way, except for perhaps a tourist now and then. I noticed no one in the first and last cars, so I headed for those. I had the front car all to myself all the way to Shari’s stop off the Red line.

The reason those cars had been empty was due to the tragic metro accident a week ago. Nine people killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time when trains collided. Front and back cars a death trap. It didn’t worry me. New York had its share of subway accidents. It was all still safer than driving.

Arriving the destination, I exited the station and briskly made my way up the street and around the block to Shari’s address. Standing outside, I noted that there were quite a few cars parked out front street parking, as well as all the lights on in her townhome. Of course, there was noise of too loud music and the sound of laughter. And for a moment, I felt like turning right around and going back home. This wasn’t my kind of thing, and I felt terribly uncomfortable being exposed to all these people. I would just go in for a little while and then leave.

I climbed the stairs to the door and was ready to knock when I noticed it was open. Quietly I opened the door and walked in. Not sure if quietly would have mattered or not. The place was very noisy and boisterous with loud music playing. Not my kind of music, hippy hop or whatever they called it. Still it was innocuous enough.

Shari’s place was roomy and light with a few contemporary pieces of furniture in neutral tones. Definitely not the same taste as her mother. As I recalled, that night I entered her mother’s house to confront her, that house was decorated in fine French provincial furniture and antique porcelain. Then again, most of her things were probably stolen or acquired by nefarious means. Shari seemed to have very different taste.

Most of those at the party were in their 20s, like Shari. I noted one or two older people, and her lawyer, that man who gave me the thousand dollars in the street. All of them were laughing and chatting happily. To the right spread out a few tables enrobed with white tablecloths. On those tables were many platters full of beautifully prepared finger foods as well as meal type fare. One of the things I recognized was mashed potatoes. And all the fixings. I wondered how much this party cost young Shari.

To the left was the bar, a place that entertained a dozen or so who milled about around it. A few had had too much already and the party had only been going on for an hour.

I slipped my hands in my jean’s pockets and continued to look around. A few noticed me and smiled as they walked by. I nodded at them. Well, not exciting to but not horrible, at least not yet. But I had my eye on that buffet table. I didn’t feel right, however, just digging in without at least saying hello to the host.

“Well well well, the hotness has arrived. Tell me, who’s the owner of this great backside! Because I…..” Shari came up from behind me, “Holy Shit! Walter?!” Drink in her hand and a very surprised look on her face, “Oh my God, what the hell! Who knew you were so gorgeous.”

“Er.” I felt my face blushing as I pulled the hem of my shirt down. At that point I wished I had a longer shirt. Had she really said those things about me? Did she remember I was her pan handling street friend?

Shari leaped at me and threw her arms around me. I did my best to return her hug, which was better than the last hug she attempted. This time I was prepared for a hug and I patted her on the back.

“I am so happy to see you! And my God, who knew?!” She beamed again as she patted my shoulder, “All these muscles?”

“Well, I’ll not be staying long I…..” I was desperate to change the subject.

“Oh poop on that.” She laughed, “Can I get you a drink?” She waived at the bar.
“No no, well do you have something non-alcoholic?” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck in embarrassment. A few others joined the two of us. A few ladies as well as the Lawyer. The ladies beamed at me. Made me feel uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as the Lawyer beaming at me. All of the sudden my face felt flush.

“Sure sure, we have juice and tea and coke and….” Shari waved at the other end of the buffet.

“Coke, I’d love a coke.” I said, stepping away from the entourage a little.

“Sure help yourself, and make sure you get some food. Eat as much as you want, we have a ton. I mean it. And take some home with you too.” Shari said as she looked up and waved at someone walking through the door.
I turned to see an older woman. She looked familiar. Where did I see her before?

“Walter, this is Sister Mary. She was the one you told me to call that day at the Hospital. She’s been amazing with helping me get my lawyer and taking care of everything. I own so much to her, and to you too for helping me when I needed it.”

Sister Mary approached, “Sister Mary this is my friend Walter Novack.” We shook hands. She didn’t remember me. What a difference a shower and clean clothes made. Sister Mary excused herself to find a drink.

“Walter had you come across Rorschach at all since I invited you? Do you know if he’s coming?” Shari looked at me expectantly. For a moment I opened my mouth but no sound would come out of it. Finally I answered, “Shari, how on earth am I going to get a hold of Rorschach? I doubt he’ll come anyway.” I said looking around at the food, “He’s probably out fighting crime or something.” I inwardly wanted to roll my eyes a moment.

“Oh Crap, I wanted to thank him for saving my life that night. I figured that you see all kinds of people on the street, you may know him, like know him when he’s not in disguise and all that.” Shari rambled on and on.

“I’m sure he knows your gratitude.” I added as I looked at her and smile softly.

“You think?” Shari said as we both wandered over to the buffet.

“Oh I’m sure of it. That kind of person, they do the best they can for people.” I felt odd speaking about myself this way, but I had to. It was bad enough compromising Anita Dorian’s safety with my secret but I couldn’t let Shari on to the truth. She wasn’t as emotionally equipped as Miss Dorian.

A moment later and I had filled a plate to the edges with food, to include two scoops of from the mashed potato bar with full garnishes of bacon, gravy and cheese. Shari, as a host, had to go to mingle with new comers at the door so I ended up sitting on my own near the DJ station, one of the only places with single chairs rather than sitting with others on a couch. I managed to eat my way through half the plate when a particularly obnoxious song started to play.

“Come have some fun this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick…..got my ass spanked by sexy cupid now he wants to play wants to play a love game a love game.”

“Ug.” I grumbled to myself, putting my fork down in disgust.

“Not the best kind of music for children these days.” Sister Mary wandered up with a more modest plate of food. “May I?” She pointed at a chair near mine.

“Certainly, Sister, please have a seat.” I said respectfully.

“By your expression I gather you don’t like the song.” She said smiling at me as she ate.

“Not really, too wanton.” I paused, “What’s a disco stick?” I said taking a mouthful of food.

“Not sure, but I’m sure it’s not good.” The nun laughed. “Have you known Shari long?” She started to make conversation.

“No, only knew her just before her parents were killed. She was running with the wrong crowd. She’s been telling me she’s straightened up her act.”

“She sure has, I’ve been so proud of her.” Sister Mary continued to eat, “She said a friend told her to come to me. Was that you? I remember she said his name was Walter.”

I finished my plate of food and my second Coke as we spoke, “Yes, I bumped into you at the Michelangelo exhibit. I wasn’t dressed very well, Sister.”

“Well, I have to say, Walter, I am grateful I bumped into you that day. Shari’s life has changed so much, we’ve really been able to help her. And you know, you are always welcome to come worship at the Immaculate Conception.”

I nodded. “I’ll remember that, Sister.” It almost sounded like Sister Mary was trying to sell me on coming to the church, but then again, all religious people did. I was a Catholic once. Back in my childhood. Did really well in my studies in fact. But those days were gone long ago. They were before some of the things I’d done. Justified, but somehow it didn’t’ seem right to get back to religion just yet.

An hour later, and a second plate of food and a few desserts and my head started to buzz from all the loud music and noise. The party was starting to get into full swing but I had just about had enough. I hadn’t spoken to Shari since I arrived, and I figured my time here was coming to an end. Just at that moment a particularly loud song blasted forth, about Fergalicious or something like that. I put my plate on a spare table and quietly walked straight for the door.

“Leaving so soon Mr. Novacks?” A voice called behind me. It was the Lawyer.

“Yes, I hadn’t planned to stay long, and Shari is very busy.” I said wanting to escape.

“I’m sorry you feel you have to leave. Shari has been planning this party for weeks and spoke very highly of you. I only got to meet you once, that day when I gave you the money. You seem to be a bit better off now, I hope the money made a difference to you.” The lawyer smiled as he took a sip of his drink.

“Yes, well, it has, actually. Mr….I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”

“Steadman, Jim Steadman.” He held out his hand for me to shake.

“Walter Novack.” I shook his hand but noticed a twinkle in his eye. “And if you would excuse me, Mr. Steadman, I need to be going. Please give Shari my regards.” I nodded at him as I turned to finally leave. I had to push past people at the door to get outside.

Once outside, I took a deep breath, feeling I’d escaped impending doom with all the flirting. Especially from the Lawyer. I was NOT that kind of man. For a moment my skin crawled.

“Wait wait, Walter!” Shari’s voice sounded from behind me as she ran toward me, a white paper bag in her hand.

I turned to see her approach.

“Oh thank you for coming. Please, Walter, come see me, any time. Really, I miss you and I’m so thankful that you’re my friend.” She said as she hugged me again. This one I wasn’t prepared for and I just stood there, feeling like an idiot. She then released her hug and handed me the bag. “Doggie bag. I meant it, take some food home! Everyone is getting one!”

“Thank you. Well, be careful, Shari. And have a good night.” I said and smiled at her just as a police cruiser pulled up in front of the house.

“Oh crap, they’re going to tell us to turn it down.” Shari’s attention was averted enough for me to slip off unnoticed. I managed to make my escape without my paths crossing with that of the police. Was just as well, I hadn’t felt like dealing with much more tonight. I could probably go back and change into my Rorschach clothes and patrol the streets, but in all honesty, I was too tired and too full!

Quietly, thinking back on the various friends of Shari’s, I rode the metro back to my neighborhood, my apartment and my beloved newspapers of the day. James had been a bad boy in my absence, having unstuffed his pillow again. It had a hole in it and I was constantly restuffing it.

Removing my good clothes, I put on my every day clothes and laid on the bed, thinking about all of the people in my life I never had before. The luxury of having a few friends. And oddly, it made me feel good.

For now, Rorschach