Rorshach's Journal, June 25th, 2009

Rorschach's Journal, Thursday June 25th, 2009

Hot, humid day in DC. The summer season had begun. Low 90s, sticky, poor air quality. Not much better than the rest of the country, frankly. I’d remembered how many muggy NY nights I’d spent wandering the streets fighting crime.

I flexed my wrist. For the most part, fairly well heeled, slight stiffness but no more pain. Fortunately a minor injury.

On a mission today. I had put off purchasing passable clothing for Shari’s party which was happening this Saturday. I was still committed to it. I hadn’t seen her since the hospital, so perhaps it would be a good thing to speak to her face to face again. I just wasn’t so sure about the setting. Shari was a young woman and surely she had young friends and crazy music and drinking and God knows what else. I frowned.

I wandered passed a few street front shops. Nothing really appealed to me. Besides, all too expensive. I fumbled around with the $20 in my pocket. That would have to be my allowance for this endeavor. Not sure it would get me far. Also, I had thought about getting some kind of lighter shirt as the long sleeve was getting way too hot, even without the blazer over it.

Thrift store. This would be acceptable. The shop, “Second Hand Roses” greeted customers. Proceeds to benefit the Humane Society. Good cause. I wandered in. It was a large store, however, I hadn’t the faintest idea how to start looking, other than stumbling over to the men’s section. No one else was in the shop save for the owner. The slightly built older man waived at me as I entered but offered no assistance, which was just as well anyway.

After browsing some of the clothes on the rack I was still clueless. What did people wear these days? And to parties? I pulled from the rack a pair of grey houndstooth slacks. Ok, they looked nice but what size were they? Did they look too old? They would have been suitable in my time in the 80s but perhaps not now. I put them back and sighed. What did I know about any of this, my best suit was purple pin stripe. I loved it, it was me, it was Rorschach, but I figure it may not go over well in a social setting, plus it was pretty dirty.

I looked around more at the old appliances and knickknacks and then gave up and wandered out. Frustrated.

Then a thought crossed my mind. Anita. It had been a good week since I’d been in the library. Surely she must have thought I abandoned her after she revealed to me that she knew my secret. I hadn’t. I had actually decided to allow her to continue to be part of my life just as she had been previous to her discovery. Not only could I use her for more in-depth crime research, but, she was a good friend and I trusted her. She and Dan, just about the only two people in the world I truly trusted. Which reminded me, I needed to write him a letter soon.

A few minutes of walking found me across the street from the library. Anita was just leaving at her usual time. She stopped as she looked up at me from across the street and smiled and waved. She then looked both ways and trotted over to me before I could cross the street.

“Walter! I’m happy to see you! “ She said cheerfully, “So then you, thought about it, I hope, you know?”

For a moment I caught myself in a chuckle, “Yes. Yes, I thought about it. Decided you know what you are getting into. I hope you do, in any regard.” I paused, “Anita I need your help with something.”

Anita stared at me a moment, a little surprised. “Sure, what do you need? Is it a criminal? A syndicate? Can I look up some missing person you are tracking down?” She started to look quite excited.

“I need your help buying some clothes.” I said, sheepishly.

“Clothes?” She blinked a moment.

“Yes, I…have a friend who is giving a party and I have nothing but my every day clothes and that other thing I wear.” I paused, “I have no idea what’s in style or anything. I thought if it wouldn’t be too much trouble to ask your advice.”

Anita smiled, “Well I’ll be happy to help, err, where is it you’d like to go?”

“The thrift store is all I can afford. It’s just down there.”

“Oh Second Hand Roses, I love that place. I shop there too.” She said as we started to walk back to the Thrift store.

“Did you have a good day at work?” I attempted to make small talk.

“Nope.” She laughed, “Just the usual crazies that come in.” She stopped herself. I surmised that I would be classified as one of the crazies. It didn’t bother me, it wouldn’t have been the first time I’d been called that and worse. Psychotic comes to mind. What the hell did they know anyway? They didn’t have to be me.

“I mean, just really unreasonable people, you know? They are so selfish and demanding. One ran off with our coffee pot today. Can you believe it? And full of coffee too! I can’t imagine her wandering the streets with a full pot of hot coffee.” Anita laughed, “I’m going to try to find a new pot at the Thrift Store.”

I paused a moment, thinking about someone wandering around with a steaming pot of coffee, “Well, I had a fairly nice day. Found some good things on my route. Managed to turn in some recycling for my clothing budget.” I put my hand in my pocket to make sure the money was still there, “I have 20 to spend.”

“Easy, this place is reasonable. Anita said as we approached the store and wandered in. Still alone. It was a slow day for the shop. “Ok, men’s section.” She said as we walked straight to the racks.

I stood there, looking useless, as Anita scoured the clothes, “So, Walter, what size trouser do you wear?” She questioned.

“I don’t know.” I offered, stupidly. Really, I had no idea.

“What size are you wearing right now then?” She said as she kept browsing the slacks.

“I don’t know.” I again offered, stupidly.

Anita looked up, “You’re not making this easy, Walter.” She laughed as she then looked around the store. “Ok, the men’s changing room is over there, maybe you ought to go in and check and meet me back out here?” She suggested and pointed toward the corner of the store.

Obediently I went to check. I sat there, in the changing room, staring at the tag in my trousers which were down around my knees. It was so faded and the light was so poor that I could barely make out what it said. Suddenly I heard Anita’s voice outside the changing room.

“Any luck?”

“I can’t read it, it’s too dark in here.” I felt uncomfortable.

“Oh criminey.” Anita said sounding both bemused and amused all at once, “Ok, slide your trousers under the door, maybe I can read it.”

“My trousers?” I felt completely naked all of the sudden, even though I still had my undergarments and was behind a locked door. It took a few moments before I could get myself to relinquish my pants. I sat there, staring at myself in the dingy mirror. What the hell was I doing there? How ridiculous.

“Ok you’re a 34 medium.”

“They are a little loose.” I announced.

“Ok, we’ll look for 32s then. You wait here, I’ll just go get a couple of pairs and you can try them on and model for me.”

“Model them?” I questioned, sounding a little horrified.

“Well I don’t expect you to ham it up, but we have to see if they fit you right.” She said as her voice trailed off a moment.

I sat there, continuing to stare at myself. I looked tired. Many late nights. Too bad I couldn’t go to the party as Rorschach and just tell Shari Walter couldn’t make it. Sure, then she’d figure it out also, if she hadn’t already. I didn’t have faith that she had.

“Ok, since it’s a party and since you want good value, I picked out some jeans for you. They go with everything and these ones are nice.”

Two pairs of jeans slid under the door. One was a very dark pair, the other lighter. Both looked fairly new, but lightly worn. The first pair, the dark ones, fit perfectly. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. “Ok, I like these.” I said quickly.

“They look great! “ Anita said as she circled me with scrutiny. “How about the other pair? I had to get you 34s they didn’t have a 32 in that color.”

I looked back at the other pair, “They will be ok too.”

“How about a shirt, let me go see.” She stopped, “What’s your shirt size.” She smiled at me, and laughed.

I pressed my lips together in earnest, “I believe they are 16 ½.” I valiantly guessed just as Anita pointed at my collar so that she could have a look. Turning my back to her I unbuttoned the next button of my shirt and she looked at the tag from behind.

“You’re right!” She said as she then scurried off to find something suitable.

“I need a short sleeve too, nothing special.” I called after her.

“Here you go.” She said, trotting back with a pale green short sleeve shirt and also an off white shirt with a light plaid in blue. “Fancy.” She held up the plaid, “Every day.” She held up the green. “This is fun!” She said as she handed me the fancy one first and waited as I held it. “Ok, you should try it on.” She coaxed gently.

I closed myself behind the changing room door and slipped off my grungy shirt and slipped on the plaid one. It was short sleeve. The bottom hem reached down to around the trouser zipper. “Well, it fits.” I said as I wandered out and looked in the mirror.

Anita scrutinized again, “The arms aren’t too tight are they? You’re pretty well built.” She said as she slipped a finger under the hem of the sleeve.

I gazed in the mirror, looking like a different, cleaner version of myself. The shirt fit me perfectly and looked quite attractive. Maybe too attractive. “You don’t think this will get maybe too much attention?”

Anita thought for a moment, “Don’t hide your light under a bushel, I think you look fine!” She smiled, “Walter, don’t be so nervous.” She added encouragingly, sensing my unease.

A few moments later and I had changed the shirt to the green one. Also fit nicely. “How much is everything.” I commented, forgetting the prices. To be honest, this was a bit fun.

Anita looked at all the tags and estimated without tax that it should total under $15. I had money left over for a snack if I had wanted one.

“Do you have shoes?” Anita then questioned.

“I have my boots, they will be fine, I think.” I said as I went to change and paused in the mirror. I had indeed been looking a bit skinny. The doctor was right last week. I flexed my arm slightly in the mirror. Still pretty fit though, considering my main form of exercise was running and climbing fire escapes and brick walls.

Anita and I brought the clothing to pay. Sure enough, the price was under $15.

“That’s awesome!” Anita announced, “If we’d have bought these things at a regular store they would have been about $60!” She said as she spotted the coffee pot she was looking for.

With our purchases we exited the store.

“I think you looked really nice, Walter.” Anita said to make conversation, “Just think maybe you’ll meet a nice girl at the party.” She offered with a smile.

I stopped a moment. Anita wandered ahead till she noticed I had stopped too. “It’s not my intention to meet a girl.” I said, very seriously. “I’m not doing this to find someone. I’m doing this for a friend.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to….” Anita said as she walked up to me, concern on her face. “I….”

I stood there for a moment, “It’s a long story.” I paused, looking uncomfortable, “Too long for a walk on the sidewalk.” I offered and left it at that and frowned deeply.

“Ok, well…” Anita said looking very apologetic. “Walter I’d better let you go, I know you’re busy and….”

“See you soon, Anita and thank you. I will let you know how things go at the party.” I simply said as I watched Anita wander off. For a moment I felt bad letting her go like this but she had struck a nerve with me at her comment. It was an innocent enough comment, but for me, that was a world in which I didn’t live. A world of desire and need. A world where my whore mother brought every sordid customer home. I wouldn’t have minded so much if she did it to support me. But she made it very clear to me that I was the reason she did it, that I was the reason she was miserable. Made me wonder if all that was why my father left so soon. I hadn’t wanted anything to do with women after that. I divorced myself from human needs. But found them continuously popping into my life. I was always so conflicted by it. I remembered back to when Shari exalted that Rorschach was “hot”. Made me proud and dismayed at the same time. I should have been numbed to the reaction, actually. Rorschach has had the misfortune of being beset by many an admirer. Not sure what people were thinking.

Suddenly I shook myself out of deep thought and found myself still standing on the street corner with my bag of clothes in hand. I would visit Anita in a few days to smooth things over. I hoped she wasn’t too upset by my reaction.

Stopping to buy an ice cream I went on to bring my clothes home and put them away and awaited night fall to stroll the streets.

For now, Rorschach