Rorschach's Journal, June 17th, 2009

Rorschach’s Journal, Wednesday June 17th, 3:30 pm

Finally able to write in blog again. Had run in the other night with gang member’s car. Hadn’t anticipated they’d jump in and try to run me over. Escaped with a sprained wrist, my writing wrist. Only now able to hold a pen and write in journal again. Fortunately, the local hospital had a free clinic to visit. Normally I would have swallowed the pain, but it had felt broken. Needed to make sure so that the city wouldn’t suffer from my absence.

Been laying low since the sprain. Keeping it elevated, been eating more. Hospital informed me of my weight. Amazingly I’ve lost 8 pounds. They recommend I try to get more to eat. Easier said than done. Fortunately, the local soup kitchen wasn’t far away and the landlady has been generous lately. Met her in the hallway last week and she sent me back to my room with dish of pasta and a few cans of tuna and baked beans. I’d put them to good use.

James, on the other hand has been well fed. Many times I will not eat so that I can afford to feed him. However, he’s been “earning a living” lately catching a mouse here and there. He’s turned into an adept hunter.

I had been in to visit with Miss Dorian and check my mail over the week, but Miss Dorian had been out when I visited and the computers had been down for a few days. I had managed to get an email from Shari before the malfunction. Her party had been postponed another week, so I still had time to find something suitable to wear.

Today had been a miserable, rainy day. I had had a bag over my hand to keep the Ace bandage dry. Wandering the street with a sign and a bagged hand proved to be a bit of a challenge. Did manage to go to the hot soup kitchen for lunch, but was looking forward to some coffee with Miss Dorian today, if she was in this time.

strolled into the Library. Looked around. A sign informed that the computers were still down. Three days in a row. Miss Dorian was at the front desk. As she saw me she smiled and waved when I walked forward.

“Hi Walter!” She said cheerfully, “I’m so sorry the computers are still down.” She said courteously.

“That’s fine. Things will have to wait.”

“Well, it’s really not the computers it’s our Internet connection, there’s some issue with all the rain we’ve been getting. It’s knocked out the cable line. We don’t have TV in the kid’s play room either.” She said as she reached under the desk and slung a bag over her shoulder.

“I will check back in a few days.” I paused, “Are you leaving?”

“Yep, I sure am. Still up for that coffee we talked about the other day?” She said as she circled around the desk and joined me.

“Yes, something warm would be welcome right about now.”

“What the heck happened to your hand?” She questioned as we walked out of the library.

What should I tell her? “I tripped and smashed my hand against one of the parked cars out near the Mall. Sprained. Been resting.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry about that!” Anita appeared genuinely sorry, “Did you have it checked out?” She fidgeted absent mindedly with the fobs on her bag. I noticed that. Something she hadn’t done before.

“Yes, no break, just a sprain. It’s getting better.” I said as I flexed my wrist a bit.

“Well, good.” She said as she then looked up at the front of our usual coffee shop. “Say, do you mind if we go to this new place I found?” She said as she looked back at me. “It opened up a couple of weeks ago and looks like something from back in New York.”

I nodded; it didn’t matter where we went so long as it was dry and cheap. We walked along for a moment, pummeled a little by stray umbrellas. “I wish some people would watch where they were going.” I grumbled under my breath, forgetting myself and slipping into the Rorschach voice.

“Oh I know what you mean. People can be so distracted these days.”

“You are far more generous about that description than I am; I would call it self absorbed.” I batted away the prickly ends of another encroaching umbrella when we turned a corner and there it was, the front of the diner. “Gunga Diner?” I stood there, surprised. For a moment I remembered back to my days in New York, all the times I sat there staring out the big plate glass window, at all manner of humanity that passed by keeping an eye out for the drop spot trashcan across the street from it. Gunga Diner was practically a home for me back in those days.

“You’ve heard of it!” Anita exclaimed,

Just at that moment a car whizzed by and splashed and entire puddle’s worth of water all over us.

“Dang you!” Anita shouted at the speeding car then returned to our conversation. “Of course you’ve heard of it, those floating elephants were all over the place up in New York. Look!” She looked up and pointed. A giant purple elephant floated from a wire anchored to the top of the building.

The cold rain water jarred me out of my little flashback and I wiped back my wet hair, “I used to go to Gunga Diner a lot. I am very curiou….wait.” I dug in my pocket and produced a rumpled up wad of damp coupons, “I completely forgot about this.” Unfolding it, I handed it to her, “Buy one meal get one free.” I gave her a rare smile.

“Brilliant!” She said as we happily walked in.

The atmosphere was not the same as the old New York diner. It was indeed a diner, that was unmistakable. It was just new, sparkling, with some kind of space age decorations, fancy winged flanges here and there and swooping chrome nonsensical details. I wasn’t used to the Gunga Diner looking so sanitary and impersonal.

We were quickly shown to our booth and presented the menu. I placed my End is Nigh sign on the seat next to me, out of the way.

“Boy! The menu sure changed since I’ve been in one of these places!” Anita exclaimed, “A gourmet section? “

I frowned, “Progress, I suppose.” I said as I scanned the menu. There were some familiar things in the “Old Classics” section. “Well, some of the good old American Diner fare is still here at least.” I muttered, “But I don’t know about these Pacific Rim Specialties nor the Fiesta Siesta sections.” I hurmed.

The fakely bubbly waitress approached us giving us a well rehearsed speech about the day’s specials. She wrinkled her nose at me with a bit of disapproval. I looked at Anita a moment and then closed my menu, “Just coffee I think.”

“Oh no, remember it was buy one get one! I’m eating! I’m starving!” She laughed.

“Do you need a few minutes then?” the waitress, “Tiffany” questioned and left before getting her answer.

“Walter, I’m getting myself some dinner. Rob is out of town on travel and I don’t feel like cooking. You can have the free meal. It was your coupon anyway.” She stated her case. I couldn’t argue with it.

“Well, I suppose.” I said as I looked back over at “Tiffany” who waltzed back to the table and started with Anita.

“I’ll have the Vegetarian chili, and grilled cheese with tomato please. And some iced tea. And also a bagel with cream cheese.” She paused, “Are the bagels like the ones in New York?” She questioned, “Gunga Diner used to make their own bagels.”

“Um.” Tiffany looked dumbfounded.

“Never mind that, please bring the bagel anyway, with cream cheese.” I sped along the process since I hadn’t wanted Tiffany to blow any more brain cells than she could spare, “I’ll have the meat loaf with mashed potatoes and a hot coffee.” I said.

“And?” Tiffany said as she wrote. “And?” She said again. “You get another side.”

“Oh, green beans.” I added, hoping for the best.

“I’ll bring your drinks and your bagel right away. You want that toasted, right?” she said as she flitted off.

I ended up unwrapping the plastic from my hand and flexed my wrist again.
“Does it hurt much?” Anita questioned, looking a little uncomfortable, no, apprehensive for a moment.

“Not really, just really stiff, and a little sore.” I said as I sat back and looked around the restaurant.

“That must have been a bad fall.” She said as she placed her hands on the table and fiddled with her silverware, looking like she wanted to say something, but stopping herself.

“It was, odd angle…” I was interrupted by the waitress with the drinks and the bagel. She spilled a bit of coffee on the table as she turned and left.

I doctored up my coffee and took a sip as Anita cut the bagel in half and pushed the dish toward me, “We’re splitting this, a little taste of New York…I hope.” She laughed.

“Well I don’t know about that, nothing is New York like in this town. Too bad, I miss some of that great stuff there. Judging by looks it won’t be anything like back home.” I said as I took a half of the bagel with cream cheese and took a big bite of it and chewed. Anita took a smaller bite and we stared at each other a moment as thoughts of food analysis crossed our faces.

“Well, not so much.” Anita laughed, “It’s not awful though.” She said as she watched me take another bite. “Walter, I, I really need to say something, and I’m sorry it’s a weird time, but I figure I should say it while we’re just relaxing and talking and…..’ she said for a moment. Her hand was shaking a little.

I looked at her a moment unexpectingly, chewing on my mouthful of bagel.

“I know.” She said as she leaned in and spoke softly.

“Youf Knowfff wfhat?” I muffled through my chewing.

“I know it’s you. It has to be you. Rorschach.”

I stopped chewing. She knew. For a moment I stared at her, stunned. Did this mean I had to kill her now? I didn’t want to kill Miss Dorian. She had become a friend. My stomach lurched as I placed the bagel down on the plate and pushed it away, “What do you mean?” I swallowed and questioned, sounding quite calm. I placed my hands flat on the table and stared at her with unwavering blue green eyes, expression leaving my face. My fingers rested in the small pool of spilled coffee.

“I mean, I know it’s you, Rorschach.” She said as she looked over her shoulder. She leaned in and whispered, “I don’t know how else to explain that.” She gazed at me, her china blue eyes wide, “I figured it out about a month ago. One of the times you signed your name on the log Walter Kovacks, not Novack. I don’t think anyone caught it, but I remember when you were arrested and it was revealed that you were Rorschach and sent to Sing Sing.” She said very very softly. “I work in a library, I looked it up. Took some digging, seems the world forgot about that after Veidt destroyed all those cities.” She paused, “And that it was revealed that you and Nite-Owl were the real heroes.”

I was silent a moment. What an idiot I’d been. Signing my birth name. Stupid foolish idiot. Doddering forgetful. But I kept my reaction inside so as not let on that she was right. “Anita, be sensible now. That happened back in 85. That guy was in his 40s already. I’m 46 here in 2009.” I said as the waitress wandered up with a few plates of food. Tiffany then placed the food in front of us and asked if we wanted anything else. I waived her off.

“Well, that’s true, you certainly don’t look like you are in your 60s, but I have a feeling Dr. Manhattan had a hand in that.” She said as we sat there, not touching our food. But good God the food smelled good just sitting there. My empty stomach rumbled.

I never broke my gaze, “I should be going.” I said as I motioned to stand.

“Oh no you don’t.” Anita jumped out of her booth chair and blocked me. I could have pushed passed her but I hadn’t wanted to hurt her or make a scene.

“Are you missing something? Can I get you something?” Tiffany walked over, looking at me accusingly.

“Please, we’re fine.” Anita said as she dismissed her with annoyance.

I sat back down calmly and placed my hands on the table again…picked up a fork and started to eat.

Anita sat back down as well and moved her spoon around her chili.

“Yes. You are quite correct. I’ve been very sloppy and forgot myself and signed the wrong name. I am Walter Kovacks. Rorschach.”

“I knew it.” Anita said as she smiled a moment and took some bites of food.

“I’ll not trouble you again, Miss Dorian. I thank you for the time you….”

“I’m on your side, please don’t.” Anita said, “I only wanted you to know that I know and that I won’t say anything.”

I shook my head and continued to gaze at my food. “I am not sure I can take that chance.” I looked up at her, “What if someone hurts you because of this new knowledge, or you blurt it out to others, or someone bribes you….”

“But that won’t happen.”

“Are you sure? Perhaps it would be for the best for me to find a new city now.” I responded. I reached over toward the salt shaker and Anita flinched a moment. “You see, you are afraid now. Afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“No I’m not I….” She knit her brows with concern. “Look, what you did, going up to face Veidt, up to Karnack, knowing that you’d be killed, that was some real bravery. And then to have your journal published and to have that monster convicted? I admire you for that. I may not agree with the violence you practice, but I do understand what you are doing and want you to know you can trust me.” She said, a tear running out of her eye.

Pausing, I salted my food calmly, “Anita, you will need to let me think about this now. I will need your word that you will not divulge this information to anyone.” I said as I handed over my paper napkin for her.

“Please don’t leave.” She said as she blew her nose. “Look, I know I may just be a librarian to most, but I’m pretty good at finding information. And all sorts of people come into my library.” She sipped her tea, “I’d wager I could be of pretty good use to you. Maybe help with finding out more about the things you are investigating.” She said as she noticed my discomfort. “Of course, I’m not pushing, but please, think about it, ok?”

I chomped away at my food and nodded. She had a point. She was a very smart woman indeed. But I still had to think about implicating her now in my activities. For now, I simply motioned calmly at her to finish her meal. “Never call me Rorschach while I am dressed like this.” I added simply.

“Of course I won’t.” She said as she gave me a faint smile.

We finished our meals quietly. After pockting some of the packets of suger at the table, I thanked her for her generosity. We parted ways after her insistence that I take home a colossal slice of the towering chocolate cake. I made my way quickly back to my apartment where James waited for me.

I sat and thought about what had just happened. “Well, James, looks like someone else knows our secret.” I said as I sat and stroked the purring cat.

The chocolate cake was at least as good as it had been in New York.

For now, Rorschach.