Rorschach's Journal, April 6th, 2009

Rorschach’s Journal, 3:30pm, Monday.

Spent the morning wandering the streets with the sign. My right eye opened up today. Managed to use one of the coupons I found for Advil which took some of the pain of it away. Not sure how that small little criminal could get such a good punch on me, but it was the wrong angle at the wrong time.

Fist and knees felt better too. But starting to feel the slight age of 46 now. As I passed the store windows and glanced at them on occasion, saw reflection and continued to move. Still, 46, good age. Just not used to fighting so many at once. Wondered again how Dan was doing. He would be 60 by now. Kids older, Jupiter older. Wondered if she stayed with him or if she finally found someone else as she was apt to do. Would figure. Still she spoke up for me that day Manhattan brought me back. Couldn’t hold too much of a grudge that day she said I was right.

Stomach rumbled. Stomach wanted food, brain wanted cake. Damn it, needed to stop thinking about it. What is this magical power that certain foods have? The power to entice you to want more.

Turned sharply and made way to local humane society shelter. Needed to make appointment for James for neutering and a check up. Made the appointment for Wednesday. The cost minimal since they were a service that encouraged neutering. I hated to do that to James, but at the same time I wanted to be a responsible owner. Besides I’d hoped that since he had his crazy episode yesterday perhaps this would calm him down a bit.

After that, decided to go to the library. Face Miss Dorian, if she was there. Hadn’t wanted to show off my black eye. And it was black as could be, in fact. But wanted to check for emails.

Strolled in front door, with sign. Looked at front desk. No one there. Signed sign in sheet and waited a moment. A young man, probably an intern of some sort, late teens, 20 maybe, came out.

“Ok, you…” he glanced at the sheet then looked up, with a judgmental eye, “…can go to computer 4.”

Felt uneasy as I presented my sign. The man looked at me as if afraid to get near me much less touch the sign. Just at that point Miss Dorian turned the corner from the back office, purse slung over her shoulder.

“Oh hi Mr. K.” She said with a smile as she quickly looked at the young man repremandingly. She nimbly took my sign, unafraid, and grumbled at the young man. She hadn’t noticed my appearance as she seemed more focused on frowning at the apparently new employee.

“I WAS taking the sign.” He protested. I started to wander off to computer 4 but kept an ear out at the front desk. “I just, euh, didn’t really want to touch it. Gross.”

“Todd, Mr. K is one of our patrons. We serve this community. Get over it.” She snapped at him sharply. “And he’s not gross. You’d better hope he didn’t hear you.” She said as she put the sign in its usual spot and turned the corner back to the back room again.

“Shut the hell up, Bitch.” He uttered under his breath once she was out of the area.

I froze in my tracks, nearly to the computer chair. I clenched my teeth and felt my pulse quicken. I was forced to tolerate many things in this world, but this I would not. At this point I wished I had the black and white face and my trench coat. But any mode would suffice right now. I turned with a frown, throwing on my darker face, the face that frightened grown men in penitentiary, Rorschach, regardless of mask or not, and walked up briskly to the young man. I stood there, penetrating stare, “You, need to know how to respect people.” My voice dark and gravely as I placed tightly balled fists up on the check out table. Knuckles turning white with the pressure.

Todd looked as though he wanted to spar with me, which would be a mistake on his part, but after a moment of staring he looked away. “I’m sorry.” He offered half heartedly as he pretended to work, shuffling papers.

At this point, Miss Dorian rounded the corner again and quickly approached, looking alarmed, realizing there was a confrontation, “Todd, there’s some filing in the back. Please go do it.” She said as she grabbed his arms and sharply pointed him to the back room. She then looked at me and frowned, “I’m sorry, Mr. K if he upset you he…. Oh my God what happened to your eye!” She said as her eyes widened and she brought her hand up to her cheek.

I paused a moment, trying to remove myself from fight mode. Not that I would have done much to the boy, I valued coming to the Library and didn’t want to be banned, but I could feel my face and chest still hot from anger. I took a few breaths and tried my best to speak in a level tone. “I met with some of the wrong crowd on the street Friday night.” I said, honestly.

“Oh no! “ Dorian said, alarmed, “Did you get hurt? Apart from your eye? I mean, are you ok? Can I get you anything? Would you like an ice pack?” She said sincerely wanting to help, it would appear.

“No, I’m not hurt. You should see the others though.” I said with a straight face. Dorian laughed thinking I was joking,

“I don’t doubt you!” She said and tried to be light to alleviate any tension.

“I don’t require anything currently, however, I do have a question for you, if you wouldn’t mind.” I changed the subject. “It’s about the computer.”

“Oh certainly.” She said as she accompanied me to the computer. I sat and logged in.

“Were you on your way out?” I questioned as the computer took a moment to awake and reveal the welcome page.

“Well yes, my shift is over, but…..I saw you walk in so I thought I’d wait a moment, see if you wanted to walk over to the coffee shop.”

I typed in my search engine and signed in to my yahoo email address. I had one email from Shari. I would read it in a moment. “Haven’t had my coffee yet. Suppose I’m late to the library today. I would be happy to go, however, I do not want to keep you if you are heading back home.”

Dorian smiled, “I don’t mind waiting, my husband is going to be late from work tonight, so I have some spare time.” She glanced over at Todd who had returned to the front desk, “I’m sorry about Todd. He’s a new intern, just started today. It’s some kind of program with the schools. Kids are required to do some community service to graduate, and this is his. If he upset you I sincerely apologize.”

I clicked away from my email page and continued on to google, “I found him disconcerting, particularly with his disrespect.” I frowned, “Not only toward me, but toward his elders in general.”

“Oh, I’ve got him in line, don’t worry about that. He’s only here for a week anyway, then he’ll be gone.”

“People like that…” I shook my head, “…they sometimes never learn their lessons though.” I looked up and pointed at my black eye, “One of those kinds the other night.”

Dorian looked at me a moment, without saying anything, perhaps something on her mind. I wasn’t sure. Sometimes was hard to read women’s behavior. “You said you had a question Mr. K?”

I looked up a moment, needed help. How many times had I heard that from Doctor Long? Why the hell was I thinking back to that so much? Perhaps it was that I hadn’t had much time to think about that over the years, or lack of years. Not enough healing from it. “If I am looking for someone I know lives in California, and I don’t know their address or email, how can I make my email address come to his attention?” I tried to be clear with my request.

“Hmm, that’s a good one, I’m not sure.” She said as she brought her hand up to her chin in a thinking pose, “You could put out an ad in one of the local California papers, through their website.”

“Hurm, trouble is I am not sure where in California he is. Last I heard from him, 8 years ago, he was in LA.” I paused. “And I don’t think he really reads such papers as New Frontiersmen, but he might.”

“Well then let’s start there. We can put an ad in both the California paper and New Frontiersmen and see what happens.” She said and smiled. “Though there might be a fee.” She said as she indicated for me to type in a search for the LA papers. The LA Times popped up. The classifieds, however, required payment, and I had no electronic payment.

“Mr. K. I’ve got it.” Dorian went for the bag on her shoulder.

“No I cannot allow that.” I raised a hand. “There must be a way, a list of some sort, somewhere.”

“How about personals?” She said as she snapped her fingers.

“I am not looking to date the man!” I was taken aback.

“No no, they have platonic ones too. It’ll be ok, really!” She said as she pointed at the screen. People seeking people, sex trade under the guise of finding a soul mate. Disgusting. But a small island revealed, “Platonic”. It was free, so I clicked on it. The surrounding ads were innocent enough. Typed in, “Hoot hoot” and my email address.

“Hoot hoot?” She laughed, “Isn’t that a little obscure?”

“No, he will know.” I said and then clicked on New Frontiersman and found the same fee for classifieds, but personals for free. Ended up doing the same thing.

Dorian excused herself to speak to Todd a moment as I took this opportunity to read Shari’s email. In it, she spoke of getting settled in a safe location, which she revealed to me. Though I knew that was a safe thing to do, perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea for her to reveal this location to less trustworthy people. She also spoke of the lawyer and his efforts to settle the estate of both parents and set her up with a fund to live from till settlement. She spoke of the nun who helped her at discharge. She was feeling much better, though physical therapy was cumbersome. She asked for a visit. I would visit the location in one of my nocturnal walks. Make sure the place was safe from the outside. Not sure ‘Walter’ would visit any time soon though.

I wrote back to her, asking about what she knew of Gus Sandler. Wished her a speedy recovery.

Dorian returned as I finished up, “Ready for that coffee.” I said as I stood. She smiled and nodded as we picked up my sign and wandered out of the Library, “Miss Dorian, do you like chocolate cake?”

For now, Rorschach